Hey, remember in the midst of D.C. United's win over Real Salt Lake, Taylor Kemp did a kind of impression of Roberto Carlos, no? Well, go watch this:
When that happened, I said this, after sitting back down after 30 seconds (and many utterances of the phrase 'Holy Shit!')
59’ TAYLOR KEMP JUST GOT EVERYONE HERE PREGNANT #dcu
— Black and Red United (@blackandredU) August 2, 2025
But hey, let's watch this goal again:
Picture-perfect technique. This Taylor Kemp (@Tkemp02) golazo is simply stunning. #DCvRSL https://t.co/5O8Y37RC99
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) August 2, 2025
@Tkemp02 will never forget the feeling of that ball coming off his foot! Best part is he can replay that goal in his mind forever! #class
— Santino Quaranta (@SantinoQuaranta) August 2, 2025
Taylor Kemp did this. TAYLOR KEMP. http://t.co/e6jhgQf5m8
— Andy Edwards (@AndyEdMLS) August 2, 2025
Taylor Kemp wins MLS Goal of the Week, puts D.C. up 3-2. Aaron Maund equalizes off a Morales free kick. 3-3. Vamo.
— Chris Kamrani (@chriskamrani) August 2, 2025
Oh my lord, he went top shelf for the cookies @Tkemp02 #dcu #whatastrike
— Collin Martin (@martcw12) August 2, 2025
TAYLOR KEMP. YOU CAN COMPLETE 66% OF YOUR PASSES FOREVER FOR THAT.
— Seoul Train (@BlasianSays) August 2, 2025
Hey @Tkemp02, you got shafted by only making #5 on top plays. And tell Cisco that's a great fist pump. #DCU pic.twitter.com/hKY8yBiNJI
— T.J. Scholl (@tjscholl16) August 2, 2025
Obviously, if there is a just and righteous God, we will cease any voting for Goal of the Week now. And if there is voting, anyone with any form of intellectual honesty is going to vote for Taylor Kemp for it. As it stands, all we have are the 17,000 immaculate conceptions that occurred Saturday night.
So, do you have a favorite angle of the goal that was not included? How did you feel when Taylor Kemp got you pregnant with that goal? Was it as good as you'd hoped it would be? Will you be raising the child to take its father's place?