clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

MLS Week 1 one liners

Here is my first attempt at what I think will be a weekly feature.  The weekly one liners, in which I write sarcastic comments about other MLS games based purely on highlights.  Yes, believe it or not, I did manage to navigate the site well enough to actually find the highlights!

Houston 1 - Dallas 1.  Just over 8,000 poor souls showed up to watch a team that has never won anything, and never will as long as they think its a good idea to start Dario Sala over the most successful MLS goalkeeper of all time.  Or are FCD's fans striking for free agency?  Not a bad idea.  Regardless, Dallas is going to score quite a few goals this year with Atiba Harris and Jeff Cunningham.

Toronto 0 - Columbus 1.  Andy Iro looked like a grown ass man playing against little boys on his goal.  Toronto had plenty of chances to equalize, but instead they just continued being Toronto.

Colorado 1 - Chivas 0.  This was a much more exciting match than you would guess given the two normally boring sides.  And despite the number of decent attacking players on Chivas plus the number of decent defensive players on Colorado adding up to around 1, this was a low scoring game.  Great goal though by Omar Cummings.

Chicago 0 - New York 1.  That stadium sounded a lot more full than it was.  Nice of enough ticket buyers to stay home so that we would still be able to clearly make out the Red Bull logo on the seats.  And yeah, um...  This Lindpere fellow is pretty decent.

Philadelphia 0 - Seattle 2.  What do the names Le Toux, Jacobson, Harvey, Stahl, and Myrie have in common?  All PU players who would not start on any other MLS team.  The best piece of news resulting from this match is that we didn't have to hear that stupid doop song.  Hopefully we won't hear it on April 10th either.

Real Salt Lake 3 - San Jose 0.  The only thing better than Javier Morales's first goal was how high Dave Johnson's voice raised when saying "Ohhh my!"  Seriously, watch the highlight.  If Morales continues playing this well, in addition to Beckerman, Findley, and Rimando playing as well as last year, RSL is going to be hard to keep from winning another MLS Cup.

New England 0 - Los Angeles 1.  A lot of unknown names on those blue jerseys.  I'm surprised this game was as close as it was though.  LA is just lucky that Kheli Dube sucks.