Note from entry researcher and series editor David Rusk: This is the eighteenth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich history and traditions of legendary Buzzard Point — a legacy that the current D.C. United ownership may have set aside in selling naming rights for the new soccer specific stadium but is forever enshrined in the chants, songs, and hearts of the Black-and-Red faithful.
With the inaugural visit to Buzzard Point of the Los Angles Football Club upcoming on Saturday, I found this story in The Evening Star ominous and wish to make sure that members of the Black & Red United Commentariat are alerted to take appropriate countermeasures.
LOS ANGELES HOOLIGANS PLAN POST-VICTORY ASSAULT ON BUZZARD POINT FANWALK
Special to The Evening Star
LOS ANGELES, APRIL 1, 2019—Supporters of Los Angeles Football Club are scheming to leave their permanent imprint on the commemorative Fanwalk outside D.C. United’s legendary Buzzard Point stadium in the wake of their maiden visit to the District on April 6, undercover intelligence agents tell The Evening Star.
“We cannot identify yet which of the LAFC supporters groups – Black Army 1850, Cuervos, Armada, Empire Boys, The Krew, or others – are planning this atrocity. The rumors are floating around within The 3252, the umbrella union of all the groups,” a source within the undercover intelligence unit said.
“We do know that their plan hinges on a win by the visitors from California.”
The Fanwalk outside Buzzard Point contains hundreds of testimonial marble bricks from devoted D.C. United fans.
“The area outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater is well known for the concrete sidewalk slabs in which are imprinted handprints, footprints, messages and signatures from decades of stars,” the source continued. “We suspect that soccer vandals could try an homage of sorts to deface the Buzzard Point Fanwalk. Maybe the footprints of Carlos Vela or whomever.”
After being advised of the intelligence reports, D.C. United issued the following statement:
“We are unconcerned about the rumors of LAFC supporters trying to deface our Fanwalk. We shall, for example, not being adding any extra security around Buzzard Point. Such vandalism would be triggered only by an LAFC victory, and we have total confidence that our superb team, and the Curse of Buzzard Point, will deny the invaders from Los Angeles any result whatsoever on April 6 and forever after.”
Note from Series Editor David Rusk: “Tales from Buzzard Point” includes historical fiction and should be considered a work of homage or parody.
All members of the B&RU Commentariat are invited to submit manuscripts of their own research into the history and traditions of Buzzard Point to firstname.lastname@example.org. All proposed tales must a) involve Buzzard Point, b) have some relationship to football/soccer, and c) demonstrate that Buzzard Point is hallowed ground for D.C. United and that our MLS opponents are doomed to never come away from Buzzard Point with a result.