Wow. D.C. United did their best to make this article (and the remainder of their season) a meaningless exercise on Sunday, but Wayne Rooney and Luciano Acosta decided otherwise. Things didn't break quite as well for United around the rest of the league this week, but they are still in a much better position today than they were at our last update thanks to the three points they picked up at home.

D.C. United are still in last place on points, but Sunday’s win moved them up to eighth place in the Eastern Conference in points-per-game. They will have to continue banking wins to move up the actual standings, but between United’s games in hand and their mediocre competition, D.C. are one of the few teams in the East that truly control their own destiny over the final couple months of the season. A big win streak from any team could change their fortunes, of course, but so long as United continues to put up points at home, they should find themselves clos to the playoff bubble by the end of the season. Which side of the red line they end up on will depend on their ability to hang with better competition -- they still have matches remaining against all four Supporter’s Shield contenders, and Portland -- and bank three points against just about everyone else.

The top of the East

Atlanta: Idle
NYRB: W, 1-0 @ CHI
NYCFC: W, 3-2 @ TOR
Columbus: W, 1-0 vs. HOU

Montreal Impact

This week: D, 1-1 @ RSL
Last five: D-D-L-D-W-L
Next five: vs. CHI, @ TOR, vs. NYRB, @ PHI, vs. NYCFC

The Impact did what they needed to do on the road this weekend, taking a point at Real Salt Lake. They have fewer matches remaining than their competition, but the travel isn’t bad -- they don’t leave the Eastern Time Zone again -- and there are still chances for them to pick up points. A home tilt against Chicago next week is a must-win, but they could help themselves out just as much if they can even draw on the road against their playoff competition; their only remaining road games are at Toronto, Philadelphia, D.C., and New England.

New England Revolution

This week: L, 2-3 vs. PHI
Last five: L-D-L-L-L
Next five: @ DC, @ PHI, vs. POR, @ NYC, @ LAFC

The Revs were only 15 minutes away from a needed point against Philadelphia, but Antonio Delamea decided to play goalkeeper on a cross into the box, which resulted in a game-deciding penalty. The 3-2 defeat pushed New England back to seventh place, just outside of the playoff picture. Given their schedule going forward, it’s tough to see them pushing back above the red line. They play four of their next five matches on the road, and have trips to Toronto, Atlanta, and Salt Lake looming after that. The home slate is quite manageable -- Portland, Chicago, Orlando, and Montreal -- but not if they’re as flat as they looked on Saturday.

Philadelphia Union

This week: W, 3-2 @ NE
Last five: W-L-W-L-W
Next five: vs. NYC, vs. NE, @ DC, @ ORL, vs. MTL

A hot start and a late penalty gave the Union a huge road win over New England on Saturday, vaulting them above the red line. With four of their next five against other East teams on the bubble, they have a chance to separate themselves from the pack. They might need to, though; the schedule gets tougher after this next group of matches, with trips to Seattle, Columbus, and NYCFC still remaining. Plus, they also have a U.S. Open Cup Final to play, and they will want all hands on deck for that match.

Orlando City SC

This week: L, 2-3 @ DC
Last five: L-D-L-L-L
Next five: vs. ATL, vs. PHI, @ SKC, @ CHI, vs. HOU

It took a red card and roughly 12 video reviews, but Orlando’s winless road streak continued over the weekend. The Lions have a couple of big home matches coming up, but their porous back line will probably leave them on the outside looking in at the end of the season. They have a week off until they host Atlanta in a must-win matchup.

Toronto FC

This week: L, 2-3 vs. NYCFC
Last five: L-D-W-W-L
Next five: @ SJ, vs. MTL, @ POR, vs. LAFC, vs. LAG

Jozy Altidore’s swipe at a NYCFC defender’s ankles might as well have been a kick at his team’s own teetering playoff chances. Altidore received a red card in the 11th minute of an important home match, and Toronto predictably dropped a 3-2 decision after playing down a man for nearly 80 minutes. So long as they can keep their heads going forward -- they were also missing Chris Mavinga on Sunday because of a needless red card -- their schedule is manageable enough to keep their slim playoff hopes alive.

Chicago Fire

This week: L, 0-1 vs. NYRB
Last five: L-L-L-L-L
Next five: @ MTL, vs. CREW, vs. ORL, @ NE, @ NYC

It’s just about over for the Fire. They lost their seventh in a row on Saturday, dropping a 1-0 home decision against the Metros. The Fire now sit in last place in the East on a points-per-game basis, and only have four home matches remaining -- though, given the current relationship between the club and its fans, that might not be a bad thing. We can’t completely ignore them, though; they still have two matches coming up against D.C. in October, as well as a few chances to play spoiler against other East competition, including next weekend in Montreal.

D.C United

This week: W, 3-2 vs. ORL
Last five: W-D-W-L-L
Next five: vs. POR, vs. NE, @ NYRB, vs. PHI, vs. ATL

It wasn’t pretty, but D.C. United kept their slim playoff hopes alive with a last-gasp 3-2 win over Orlando City on Sunday evening. Their work is only beginning, though. United have three games in hand on everyone else in the East, but are still nine points behind Philadelphia and Montreal. Grabbing at least three more points this week is absolutely vital, and they could really use more than that against the Revs and a Portland club traveling cross-country for a mid-week showdown. Getting a result on the road against either New York club in the coming weeks would also be a big help before they enter their massive seven-game homestand down the stretch.

And the West standings.

Here's how they did last week.

Dallas: L, 1-2 @ SEA
Kansas City: W, 2-0 @ LAFC
Portland: L, 1-2 vs. VAN
LA Galaxy: D, 2-2 vs. MIN
LAFC: L, 0-2 vs. SKC
Real Salt Lake: D, 1-1 vs. MTL
Vancouver: W, 2-1 @ POR
Seattle: W, 2-1 vs. DAL
Minnesota: D, 2-2 @ LAG
Houston: L, 0-1 @ CREW
Colorado: W, 2-1 vs. SJ
San Jose: L, 1-2 @ COL