I am in full vacation (well, staycation) mode, as I don't go back to work until Jan. 4. What this means is that my Twitter-checking is sparse and as a result I am thoroughly not up-to-speed on what's happening in the soccer world. For all I know, D.C. United acquired Zlatan yesterday and we're on the cusp of a new, epic era.

Okay, it looks like that didn't happen. Here are a few links about things that are real, though, and then I'm handing the reins to you all to make up for everything I surely missed.

Former D.C. United player gets critical assist from ex-girlfriend: A kidney donation | The Washington Post
This is a wonderful, wonderful story about our friend Clyde that you should read if you haven't already.

Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini Are Barred From Soccer for 8 Years | The New York Times
It's a start.

The #MLSSoshies: Drumroll, please, your winners are here! | MLSsoccer.com
Important news is important.

The Right Mix " Athletes Quarterly
Read the article/interview if you want, or just enjoy the ~part-time model~ photos. (This is about Mix Diskerud, in case you didn't get that from that v. original pun in the title.)

Blue Skies with a Hint of Clouds - Howler Magazine
Howler takes a look at NYCFC and its fans.

Farewell 2015, farewell Pep Guardiola; the Bundesliga will, and won’t, miss you | Raphael Honigstein | Football | The Guardian
I feel like Pep has been leaving Bayern for a million years. Let us move on, tbh.

Bayern Munich get calm continuity with Carlo Ancelotti - ESPN FC
"The 56-year-old doesn't come with the same level of hype -- he's not as sexy, in a footballing sense -- as his predecessor." Yes, only in the footballing sense.

Y'all's turn. What's up?