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Rapidly Running Outta Goalkeepers: D.C. United & Sundry Soccer Links for 18 March 2016

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Horton and Worra have been confined to a safe room.

Seriously, y'all, this is quite a mother-lode of Friday Freedom Kicks.

Amputee Soccer Players Receive Prosthetic Legs | NBC4 Washington: Liberian refugees in the DC area got prosthetic limbs at Adventist Hospital. They play for an international soccer team for disabled players, and they live in a homeless shelter right now.

Colorado Rapids MatchDay: First Look--D.C. United - Burgundy Wave: Our brothers and sisters with access to legal weed dispensaries give their take on tomorrow's big match.

Watch the play that got Rapids striker Shkelzen Gashi suspended vs. D.C. United - Denver Post: At least we won't have Gashi to worry about.

D.C. United goalkeeper Andrew Dykstra out 10-12 weeks - ESPN FC: Get well soon, Andy. Worra? Horton? We're gonna put you each in a bubble. Bubble boys.

MLS Talking Points should winless favorites be worried? - ESPN FC: Cue that bully kid from the Simpsons saying, "Ha-HA!" and pointing at the Red Bulls. And at Columbus. Oh, and at the Sounders.  Ha-HA!

MLS Spotlight: TFC rookie Endoh turning heads in debut season - Goal.com: Tsubasa Endoh has got it going on.

MLS Disciplinary Committee issues fine on key play in Seattle Sounders' loss to Real Salt Lake | Seattle Sounders FC: Everything is going wrong for Seattle.  Ha-HA!

MLS declaration for Independence requires stadium, deep pockets - Charlotte Business Journal: It would be awesome sauce to have another team in the (very-long-) drivable vicinity. And what a great name. Pittsburgh Riverhounds and Charlotte Independence next, please, Garber.

Socceroos face potential migrant crisis due to FIFA eligibility laws - Law Report - ABC Radio National (Australian Broadcasting Corporation): Uh, crud? "One of the world's few experts in player eligibility laws says FIFA may have breached its own rules in order to allow countries like Australia, the USA and possibly even Qatar to field players who would otherwise have been ineligible."

FIFA's Financial Disclosures Show That Scandal Has Affected Its Bottom Line - New York Times: Finally. Change is coming, I can feel it now. Because FIFA is starting to feel it.

South Africa wants FIFA to retract accusations of bribery - ESPN FC: Mbalula has got a point: "He asked how FIFA could 'miraculously' turn from being the subject of the FBI's investigations to a victim of its own actions."

Drama TV Series About 1970s New York Cosmos Soccer Team In the Works | Deadline: OMG. This could be the greatest thing since The Americans -- "Set in the chaotic '70s in a nearly bankrupt New York City of blackouts, riots, the Son of Sam serial killer case and the dawn of Studio 54, the drama centers on the world's first soccer dream team."

Roundtable: Best, worst USA soccer uniforms of all time | SI.com: For all you soccer kit fashionistas.

How A Soccer Field In Brazil Probably Saved A Boy’s Life | ThinkProgress: Good project. "But for now, da Silva's future looks brighter than that of his brothers. And he attributes a lot of that promise to the new community field. 'If we didn't have this, we'd be doing other things,' he said, 'or twirling our thumbs at home.'"

Soccer: Everything’s Bigger in Texas… Except the Soccer Crowds | SportsDay: Anybody here from Texas? Go to your freakin' soccer games.

FIFA takes Russian World Cup T-Shirts Off Sale Due to Crimea - Newsweek: Gawd.

And your Friday Freedom Kicks treat is this, holy crap, it's a video from 1984 about the internet. It is awesome. Watch it. Oh, and remember to PLACE A MICROPHONE IN FRONT OF YOUR TV SET. Standby for the software transmission. Geezus.

Commentariat, speak!