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D.C. United Will Obliterate All Opponents & Sundry Soccer Links for 21 October 2016

Everybody else sucks. They suck so bad.

Insert further ado here.

How DC United's midseason pickups made them the most explosive team in MLS | MLSsoccer.com: Oh my god. Is that...what is it...I can't quite put my finger on it...something strange and unprecedented coming from MLSsoccer.com...oh it's so strange and tingly...what do the French call it? Respect?

Goal USA Podcast: Patrick Nyarko embracing long-awaited postseason return with D.C. United | Goal.comPatrick Nyarko matriculates at Virginia Tech, sees the (American) football stadium, thinks it's a soccer stadium, and...HILARITY ENSUES.

The Problem With D.C. United's Stadium Design | Washington City Paper: Bait and switch, they say!

Pride Pub: Orlando City vs D.C. United | The Mane Land: Our purplish brethren sing the praises of Heavy Seas. I concur.

MLS Talking Points Who will be most disappointed to miss the playoffs? | ESPN FC: COLUMBUS. Pahahahaha.

Georgia teen spoke different language after soccer concussion | myfox8.com: The brain.

Soccer player's mom can't see him play but she still goes to every game | DNAinfo.com: The heart.

Commentariat, unite!