Amid all the criticism—even, perhaps, the disappointment—the U.S. turned out a 2-0 victory to advance past Germany to the World Cup final.
It looked as though Germany would go ahead in the second half, but a missed Célia Šašić penalty proved to be all she wrote for the team ranked number one in the world. The U.S. scored their own penalty before sealing the win with a late goal from substitute Kelley O'Hara. #ZweiZuNull
Relive it with me.
Pre-game: It was about a year ago that the German men beat the USMNT in the 2014 World Cup. Let us hope the German women don't beat the USWNT tonight—but man, I'm nervous for this one.
This broadcast is apparently brought to us by the new Fantastic Four movie. The U.S. are playing a Fantastic Eleven, amirite? This is a strong lineup—we've got Morgan Brian, Lauren Holiday, and Carli Lloyd all on the field, with Megan Rapinoe also back from suspension.
Some pre-game commentary from someone I'm watching with: "The arm folding is very awkward." Truth. Always truth.
2': "This game scares me." ME TOO.
5': So it's been like five minutes but it already feels like quite a lot of Germany to start out. And a lot of physical play. Strap in, guys.
7': It's nearly a goal for the U.S.! Nadine Angerer with the huge save to keep the ball out of the net. Oh mannnn.
11': Both teams are really pressuring the other here now. You can definitely feel the intensity.
14': Alex Morgan is in on goal but Angerer makes the save! Morgan's shot was just too close to the keeper. Great ball from Heath though.
21': These Germany jerseys aren't great. They're very flat, with just the red and black accents. Could've used a little something else, but they don't involve random neon sooooooo.
24': My dad hasn't texted me except to joke that he's rooting for Germany. DAD NO.
26': It is clear from Twitter and from this couch I'm sitting on that PEOPLE ARE FEELING A LOT OF FEELS. I'll say again that this game is preeeetty intense.
29': Morgan Brian and Alexandra Popp crash heads and they're both down. Saw blood on Popp's head, and now we got another look and damn. That's a serious gash. Brian might be okay? Medical team just gave a thumbs up to the U.S. bench, but she sure doesn't seem that okay...
34': Brian and Popp are both back on the field after that collision. Popp seems to still have blood on her head, but the bleeding must have stopped because she doesn't even have a bandage.
38': D.C. United is playing in the Open Cup tonight but they're in a weather delay. Couch: "Isn't the Open Cup the one where Dempsey—" It sure is.
42': Referring to the onscreen graphic: "I like that they tell you that the winner advances."
45+': Four minutes of stoppage time? That's it? Also, every challenge in this game is mega-physical. Damn, ladies.
Halftime: 0-0. This. Game. I wonder when Ellis decides to bring Wambach on. I also wonder how Brian and Popp are STILL ON THE FIELD.
Also, my friend has turned to the Braves-Nats game and as a Braves fan she's not happy. However, I just learned that MLB teams always wear gray when they're away. What if all MLS teams had the same away color? Oh wait, they all basically have white.
46': Popp does have a bandage now, which is like...duh. It's a very strange bandage, too. It's like...well, I don't know. Just take my word for it. And, BREAKING NEWS AND HOT TAKES, my dad has texted me: "U.S. actually looks good."
52': My friend, anxiously: "I don't like this, I don't like this at all."
59': "Noooo that was terrifying." Accurate commentary for this whole game, to be honest.
60': Germany penalty! It's Julie Johnston who's called for it. Šašić to take...
61': And she misses! It's just wide. Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. Hot takes from my dad: "That was huge."
66': Morgan with a chance but it's wide! She got around her defender to take the shot and we are FREAKING OUT OVER HERE. Emotions are running high.
68': USA penalty!! Replay shows that was probably outside the box but, um, never mind...
69': Goal USA! Carli Lloyd takes the penalty and she doesn't miss. Angerer goes the wrong way and oh yeah we are FREAKING OUT OVER HERE.
71': "They're all so pretty even when they're sweaty and gross."
75': U.S. substitution as Kelley O'Hara replaces Tobin Heath.
80': Another U.S. substitution as Abby Wambach comes on for Megan Rapinoe. Lloyd has shifted out to the flank, which is the kind of stupid tactics that Ellis messed around with at the Algarve Cup. I repeat: stupid tactics.
85': Goal USA! It's O'Hara with the ninja kick after Lloyd pushed around her defender to send the ball in. Guys. GUYS. It's 2-0.
90+': Sydney Leroux comes on for Alex Morgan.
Full time: The U.S. advance to the final! Opponent TBD but it'll be Japan or England. Final thought—#ZweiZuNull.
U.S. lineup (4-2-3-1): Hope Solo; Ali Krieger, Julie Johnston, Becky Sauerbrunn, Meghan Klingenberg; Lauren Holiday, Morgan Brian; Tobin Heath (Kelley O'Hara 75'), Carli Lloyd, Megan Rapinoe (Abby Wambach 80'); Alex Morgan (Sydney Leroux 93')
Germany lineup (4-2-3-1): Nadine Angerer; Leonie Maier, Annike Krahn, Saskia Bartusiak, Tabea Kemme; Lena Goeßling, Melanie Leupolz; Simone Laudehr, Anja Mittag (Dzsenifer Marozsán 78'), Alexandra Popp; Célia Šašić