D.C. United 0-5 Columbus Crew SC: Player Ratings

Did you see the picture of this post? Dogs! Look at the dogs! Cute dogs! We're still going to relive the massacre at MAPFRE, but I wanted you to see the dogs. Because I care about you, man.

Bill Hamid - 5.5

The Meram goal was perhaps one that Bill wants back, but the rest are ones where he was definitely hung out to dry. And things started so well with a ten-bell save on Jack McInerney, turns out everything else was downhill after that.

Taylor Kemp - 2.5

Passing was run of the mill compared to other games, but gave up the ball that led to goal one, was walked around a bunch of times on the night, earned a frustration yellow and was a non-factor on the night. On a team full of players who have had the opportunity to step up in big games and subsequently don't, he may crystallize them the most.

Kofi Opare - 3

Rebounded from a first half where he couldn't pass successfully to safe his life to being second amongst starters, poorly handled one goal and did this weird thing where he stepped up to draw an offside and then eased off the throttle immediately after, resulting in a goal. Would presumably lose his spot after a game like that (because Birnbaum is at least there), but won't because of the turnaround.

Bobby Boswell - 3

With a contract extension in his pocket, the team captain shared responsibility with Opare on a goal, but is starting to look like a guy who, when beaten, stays beaten. I really hope by the end of his deal we're talking about an Opare-Birnbaum tandem with some regularity because if the locker room leader comes out like that on Wednesday, we may want to consider a stop payment on the check.

Sean Franklin - 3.5

Almost got completely burned by Justin Meram while looking for an offside call that didn't appear, led the team in interceptions and clearances (not the best sign for him), had a shot on goal, and his passing was decent in both short and long situations. The least bad of a bad bunch.

Nick DeLeon - 4

Was involved with the scant D.C. scoring chances as the second or third pass beforehand, passing was good, and defensively was tied for second in interceptions and tied for third in clearances. On another night where the defense isn't completely clown shoes, would probably have shown up on the scoring sheet. But they weren't, and he didn't.

Perry Kitchen - 3.5

Passing OK, though he had this weird situation in the second half where he was REALLY slow to work the ball out of his own area with a Crew player on him, and despite playing higher up, didn't impose himself on the game as he's done in the past. Going out with a whimper, not a bark.

Markus Halsti - 4

Nifty shot in the first half, also led the team in tackles (with Kemp and Boswell) as he was content to play close to the back for the most part. Came off after an hour because goals were needed, and not an indictment on him by any means.

Chris Pontius - 4.5

Led the team in shots, passing accuracy, aerials won, and did what he could when he did have the ball. Say what you will about the result, but Chris Pontius in 2016 may be a thing that actually happens.

Chris Rolfe - 3.5

Chris Rolfe had 19 passes on the night. Bill Hamid had 18. Connected on a long ball and a cross, even won a couple of aerials, but disappeared on a night when they could have needed him.

Fabian Espindola - 4.5

Two shots, two key passes, an aerial won, hustling to backtrack when others didn't (wouldn't?), almost got a fluky goal that could have tied the game so very, very long ago. You did what you could Fabi, even if others around you failed.

Substitutes:

Alvaro Saborio - 3.5

Came on for Halsti in the 60th, won a couple aerials, didn't do that much. Mentioned on twitter at the time he would potentially be on an island with a lack of support, and it only got worse as the game went on.

Conor Doyle - 5

Came on for Rolfe in the 69th (nice), connected on all six passes, including three long balls, but the damage was done by that point.

Steve Birnbaum - 5

Came on for Kemp in the 73rd, passing was OK, had a couple of defensive actions, but otherwise average.

Man of the Match:

Dogs! Look at the dogs!