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D.C. United falls to Chivas USA - I can't believe I watched the whole thing

If you were hoping for shambolic defense and a lot of goals, you were disappointed. If you were a D.C. United fan, you were (familiarly) disappointed. If you were looking for a sleep aid, you might not have been disappointed.

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

It was basically the same story we've seen so many times. D.C. United dominated possession, but created little danger in the attacking end and fell due to hilarious incompetence in front of their own goal. If anything, this was a little bit worse, as United fell 0-1 to Chivas USA, the resident raging dumpster fire of MLS. Erick Torres capitalized on several consecutive failed attempts by the Black-and-Red to clear the ball in the 51st minute, touching his shot past Bill Hamid. There was very little else to discuss from the game, but here are a few talking points:

  • Ben Olsen was wearing a very nice all-black ensemble - black jacket over black open-collar shirt, black slacks). I wonder if he has a tailor out there in LA he saw this weekend. The late Sunday kickoff would certainly facilitate such Draper-esque errand-running.
  • Dennic Iapichino made his first start for United and looked good right up until Chivas scored. Then his level of play dropped from Rochat level to sub-Riley as he forgot how to defend and how to pass, all at once.
  • Somebody told me Luis Silva was playing in this game, but I can neither confirm nor deny it based on the video.
  • Conor Doyle really likes lateral movement without the ball. The problem is that when somebody sends a hopeful ball toward the center forward - honestly, a pretty common occurrence for United - he's somewhere near one of the touchlines instead of occupying the middle of the field, and it's a turnover.
  • The other Conor - Conor Shanosky - has happy feet. He does a little jig anytime he's on the ball. If we were better at soccer as a team, it would be really endearing and fun, but that's an alternate reality I unfortunately have to imagine.

Well, that's all I can stomach at the moment - I'm off to bed. Share your impressions of the game in the comments.

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