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Luciano Acosta D.C. United contract talks, Caleb Porter to Columbus, and more: Freedom Kicks for 12/14/2018

DCU news got you nervous? Don’t worry, the LA Galaxy are here to provide some laughs

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I should have gone to sleep an hour ago, so making sense until the end of this post is going to be a challenge. Good luck, readers!

How high will D.C. United go for Luciano Acosta, and other roster questions | Washington Post
There’s a whole lot of news in here, and a lot of it is not exactly encouraging. Luciano Acosta talks? Well, as long as they’re ongoing, we should all be nervous (though I think stuff like this is more negotiating through the media than anything else). Hearing “50/50” when it comes to Yamil Asad is more worrisome to me, as is the increasing likelihood of Nick DeLeon suiting up for someone else next year.

USL Championship Unveils 2019 Conference Alignment |
In not-at-all surprising news, Loudoun United will play in the Eastern Conference of the gratingly-named USL Championship.

RFK Stadium is a wasted asset. D.C. should have control over its future. | Washington Post
I am not always happy with the Post’s editorial board, but this one’s a no-brainer.

Eligible players for MLS Re-Entry Draft announced |
Check back in a few hours, we’ll have a D.C. United Re-Entry Draft wish list up, unless I get sick overnight or some other terrible thing happens.

Orlando City denies it ‘passed’ on Gerardo ‘Tata’ Martino | Pro Soccer USA
I don’t have any special knowledge here, but if I were running Orlando City and this story emerged, I would probably offer up a CYA denial like this.

Caleb Porter nearing deal to become Crew head coach | The Athletic
Speaking of organizations embarrassing themselves, the LA Galaxy! Remember the time where no one anywhere would choose the Columbus Crew job over coaching the Galaxy? It was in the very recent past! And yet, now Caleb Porter appears to be making the smart choice, as the people who drove the Galaxy over the cliffside are largely still in place.

Reports: LAFC could still team up with Barcelona for NWSL team, or go it alone | Angels on Parade
LAFC should definitely start an NWSL team, but as I tweeted yesterday, they need to make sure they have their act together before they take on this major responsibility. NWSL teams don’t just succeed because you run an MLS team and have deep pockets.

They should also 1000% not need any help from Barcelona, nor should the NWSL act on Barcelona’s interest. Satellite clubs have almost always gone wrong (and fast!) in this country.

Colaprico picks up first two USWNT caps in a busy offseason |
Danny Colaprico (don’t call her Dani, and definitely don’t call her Capicola) recently got the USWNT call-up she’s merited for years now, capping off a great 2018 season for her.

MLS invites initial group of 60 players to 2019 Combine |
Six players from local programs (including four Maryland Terrapins, who in case you missed it won the national championship, and yes I’m going to bring it up whenever I can), and two more hailing from the DMV are on the initial list of Combine players.

Hospital chain Dignity Health buys naming rights to Carson’s StubHub Center | LA Times
Well, that certainly is a name. We definitely won’t make fun of the Galaxy about this. Nope.

Club América, Cruz Azul finish scoreless in Liga MX Final first leg | FMF State of Mind
Cruz Azul came close, but they couldn’t get a win at Estadio Azteca. Given their past history, you should definitely expect them to get up 2-0 at home before giving up 3 own goals in the final 10 minutes of the second leg, or some equally crushing debacle. It’s just how things are done when Cruz Azul gets to a final.

Finally, I’ll wrap up with a tribute. My favorite podcast of all time, Pistol Shrimps Radio, came to the end of its run (bar some possible special one-off episodes in the future) on Wednesday. The concept is simple: Matt Gourley and Mark McConville, whose basketball knowledge ranges from “not much” to “virtually none” record commentary while watching the rec league women’s basketball team one of their wives plays on.

It’s the kind of thing that hits a sweet spot of mine: a completely ridiculous idea taken to wild lengths with real sincerity. The coverage often swerved into pure ad-libbed nonsense, and the listeners responded. I think the single funniest thing in movies, books, and recordings that I’ve encountered in the last 3+ years involves Matt’s demand for listeners to send Mark a full-size anvil.

I recommend starting from the beginning if you want to be able to decipher the jokes as it goes on. Until next week, here’s one from every Pistol Shrimps Radio fan’s favorite band: