So, we’re late. We’re really late. Late in the way I often was as a college freshman for my 8am classes (even though they were all in a building no more than 200 yards away from my bed). Actually, typing that reminds me of the time I overslept for a criminology exam. Since I’m back doing FKs for a minute, let’s start with a story from the now-distant past:
I woke up, refreshed and feeling great, about 5 minutes before the exam - the first of the semester - was starting. It was a beautiful, sunny day (though a bit chilly for early October). I sat up in bed, stretched out, took about 30 seconds to gain my bearings, and then I looked at the clock. 9:55am.
My thoughts upon seeing those numbers were roughly "Hey, wait a OH NO!" I threw on a shirt, running shoes, and warm-up pants - I had the presence of mind to realize I did in fact have to run, and run fast - and tore out of my room and out of Hagerstown Hall. I have never been a fast runner, and at the time my only running came during intramural league soccer games, but a 0 on an exam turns out to be a great motivator. Despite negotiating some busy footpaths and a pretty steep hill by the student union, I ran the 3/4 mile fast enough to get into the classroom before the exam had formally started.
Naturally I did not smoothly enter the room. Still in the grips of a full fight-or-flight response, I burst into an otherwise quiet and calm room of people and actually was still running until about halfway to the front of the class, where we had to grab our tests from a TA. I found my friend Meghan, who had (as always) arrived very early and had kept a seat open next to her just for me. Meghan was basically my opposite: She probably got 8 hours of sleep, some exercise, a shower, a smart breakfast, and likely arrived half an hour early to do some final prep.
So when I sat down next to her, sweating and wide-eyed, she justifiably looked at me like I had just proven incontrovertibly that I was an alien life form. I don’t even really remember what she said as a greeting (something along the lines of "Hey...are you alright?") before I very enthusiastically declared "I overslept! I’m here in time! Let’s take a test!" This did not change the perception of those nearby that I might be on drugs.
Here’s the thing about being in the grips of a serious adrenaline kick: It’s impossible to just throttle down when the need for adrenaline is over. So here I am, lightning and fire coursing through my veins, all the sudden dealing with a college exam that requires measured thinking.
I was the first person to finish the exam. I’ve been a very fast test-taker all my life, but this was something else. I was aware enough to know that a room of about 100 people saw me sprint in, grab an exam, say something a bit too loudly, and then finish the exam in under 10 minutes. I went outside to wait for Meghan and to come down off the adrenaline high, and no one emerged for another 5 minutes after me.
If memory serves I got an 88. Class average was several points lower.
Anyway, life happens. Here are a few links:
NWSL 2.0: Stakeholders weigh in on what’s next, Part Two | Excelle Sports
There’s a link in here to part 1. I highly recommend reading both, as Stephanie Yang got some fantastic quotes from players, coaches, and owners within the NWSL on where they see the league heading.
How Orlando City can make a difference with coaching hire
Paul Tenorio makes a great point here about the near-total lack of diversity among MLS head coaches and GMs, and lists several viable candidates to take over the open Orlando City head coaching gig.
The Miami FC bolsters midfield with signing of Jonny Steele | MiamiFC.com
THE!!!!!! Miami FC buys yet another midfielder. I can’t wait to find out that Steele was a seven-figure transfer.
D.C. United’s newest homegrown signing has been at training recently, and will take the field against Swansea this weekend. Mid-season friendlies are virtually never as valuable as when they benefit a club’s future stars like this (because when they don’t do so, their value is basically limited to ticket revenue).
Everything old is new again case file #65: the 1994-95 season of Saturday Night Live | AV Club
I haven’t even had time to read this, but I’ve been looking forward to it. Nathan Rabin’s "My World of Flops" series is a consistently fascinating look at movies, TV shows, and other pop culture forms that were reviled and whether it was a reasonable perspective or not. Plus, as a kid who watched plenty of Comedy Central when the network was basically just re-runs of SNL, Kids in the Hall, and old Monty Python episodes, I know the season in question pretty well.
Finally, in honor of the timing of this piece, a skit that feels relevant.