Tuesday Freedom Kicks: What's your name, man? CRYSTAL DUNN.

Did everyone enjoy their snow day + (hopefully) day off? Awesome. Now enough about you, let's get to the soccer.

Crystal Dunn has night to remember as USWNT streamroll Puerto Rico | FOX Sports
Five goals like it ain't no thang.

D.C. United officially unveils Luciano Acosta - Black And Red United
ICYMI. Here's Goff re: the signing, too, if you like him better than us (for shame).

Time has come for Jermaine Jones to be phased out of US team - ESPN FC
Today, on Things I Would Be Completely Fine With.

ASN article: Omar Gonzalez to ASN: 'I Haven't Missed LA One Bit'
He now has a full-time private chef and I am hella jealous. I think I would request tacos every day.

Why Orlando City defender Aurélien Collin counts as an international player - Orlando Sentinel
There's not a lot to this, but it's still a nice little story.

The main reason why Real Madrid has struggled to match Barcelona success | FC Yahoo - Yahoo Sports
I have nothing to say about this, I'm just sharing it because people who are not me often care about Real Madrid and Barcelona.

Okay before we get to your comments, you know I can't pass up the opportunity to force last night's performance of "Alexander Hamilton" on you:

All right, back to soccer. What's up?