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Relieve Yourself: DC United & Sundry Soccer Links for 25 September 2015

Miguel Herrera rumors. Magic headband futures. Spanish tax evasion.

The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting, because it was FRIDAY FREEDOM KICKS!

MLS Preview and Prediction: Montreal Impact vs DC United | MLSGB:  MLSGB is written in the UK (or is it the GB?).  Anyhow, sometimes it shows.  Here, they predict that the Impact win this weekend, 2-1.  The underlying analysis points out that Eddie Johnson is not expected to play.

Chris Rolfe signs contract extension to remain with DC United | And the price of magic headband joke futures spiked late yesterday on the B&RU trading floor.

How DC United got a customized soccer jersey to Pope Francis - Washington Post: Goff has the inside story, with United supporter and inspiration for the film "In the Name of the Father," Paul Hill, at the center of it all.

Oh, and there's this:

Study: MLS Tickets Are World's Worst Soccer Value - US News:  MLS tickets being last place in value is a function of being last place in league quality, at least according to GoEuro's terms.  I mean, GoEuro?  Gofigure.  Amiright?  Clearly, GoEuro doesn't value parity within a league.  If watching the same four teams win each week is more fun than not knowing who is going to win, then I guess we're a bad league.

MLS player hit a free kick so poorly it looked like a video game glitch -  Speaking of league quality, watch MLS's Robert Earnshaw not give this ball some English.  If you want English, go to England.

Brazilian soccer player takes knee to secretly pee on field -  In contrast to the above, check out the teamwork at play in Brazil to help Douglas dos Santos nonchalantly piss on the field.  I want to say I saw Landon Donovan do this once, but without the teamwork.

Spain Targets Another Soccer Star On Tax Evasion Charges - Forbes:  At least three star players and one coach have been charged with tax evasion in Spain since 2014, Messi included.

Charges To Be Dismissed for 2 Soccer Players Accused in Flight Ruckus: Atty. | NBC 7 San Diego:  So there is a San Diego Chaldean Soccer League.  And they fly on Southwest.  Or used to.

Piscataway (N.J.) girls soccer team manager is the most instrumental part of the team | USA Today High School Sports:  The young woman played fierce defense up until 8th grade, then Lyme disease put her in a wheelchair.  So they made her team manager.

And your Friday Freedom Kicks treat is this LA Weekly article that had me busting my gut with laughter, especially the bit on Bon Iver:  The 20 Worst Hipster Bands: The Complete List.  It's a few years old, so it misses a chance to lampoon Gregory Alan Isakov and that freakin' Subaru commercial..

Today's September 25...exactly 3 months of shopping days left until Christmas.

Commentariat, retort!