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I have nothing clever to say here, so let's just get going:
Black & Red Basics | D.C. United vs Real Salt Lake | DCUnited.com
Lindsay Simpson walks us through this weekend's game. Caution: This video contains Pajoy. I know, it's early and you're not ready for Pajoy. It's a brief appearance at least.
Tuesday kickaround | Soccer Insider
Steve Goff has some DCU home attendance and goalscoring numbers as well as the USMNT's fall World Cup qualifying schedule here. There's also a lot of reluctant (I could be projecting, but somehow I don't think I am) coverage of the fake training exercise that people spent a month's mortgage payment on from last night.
Selecting Major League Soccer's All-Star team on merit, not reputation | ESPNFC
Jason Davis picks his starting 11 for the All-Star Game based on actual play on the field. And hey, wouldn't you know it? Someone who watches actual MLS games picks a D.C. United player to his team!
Disclaimer: Yeah, I know it's Hamid, and he probably makes the real-life team if not for his hand and knee surgeries, but I'm salty about the whole thing so the complaints about the real ASG squad will continue.
Real Salt Lake: Former teammates, coaches expect Luis Silva to thrive with RSL | The Salt Lake Tribune
D.C. United did need a target man, and the trade made sense, but I'm going to miss Luis Silva. The long-range shooting, the recognition of space (both existing space and space that hasn't opened up yet), the technique...RSL got a good one.
Chipotle MLS Homegrowns fall on penalty kicks to Club América in Landon Donovan coaching debut | MLSsoccer.com
A predictably up-and-down performance for the MLS Homegrown team - who only had a couple of training sessions together - against a well-drilled Club America under-20 team that employed a high press for long stretches. Still, the MLS kids did have the lead via Tommy Thompson's 34th minute strike before conceding a penalty kick in the second half.
United's Jalen Robinson entered the game at halftime, playing the center back role he often takes with the Richmond Kickers. He won several headers to clear some danger, but communication errors across the back four saw Club America hit the post twice (including a lunging effort by the man Robinson was marking at the time early in the half). Nonetheless, the trip was probably a good learning experience.
An inside look at how MLS teams are using analytics | Fusion
I recommend you read this if you want a look at what MLS clubs do with the growing world of analytics in soccer. Also, here's hoping DCU is using whatever data they can afford and just didn't want to discuss it on record to protect their best practices.
With Jones on verge of return, Revs say he’s "coming back at the right time" | RevolutionSoccer.net
Jermaine Jones has been moved from "week-to-week" to "day-to-day," so he may be coming back for the Revs any time now. So, yeah, United: Keep winning games. Let's try and keep the Conference champion CCL funds rolling in forever.
MLS All-Star roster changes: Bradley, Gerrard, Keane drop out | Empire of Soccer
*fart noise*
Can you tell I'm excited about covering the No D.C. United Who Are Arguably Supporters Shield Favorites Game later tonight?
Report: USL to award 2016 franchise to Reno as league's explosive growth continues | MLSsoccer.com
Guys, if this is not an extended Reno 911! joke, I'm going to be very upset.
And now, my favorite skit from the entire show (which is under a minute and contains no foul language, so you should watch it right away):
I'm not going to top that, so on to the comments.