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Freedom Kicks: D.C. United, MLS, USWNT, and UEFA Champions League links for Wednesday May 6th, 2015

Praise for DCU players and stories of people with terrible ideas are our gift to you today.

Patrick Smith/Getty Images

By the time you finish this post, you'll read about something stupid I did.

Chris Rolfe harvesting goals, assists for D.C. United | The Washington Post
Steve Goff checked out Chris Rolfe's substantial garden before noting that several players are close to returning to the lineup. This also contains a quote - "I am not a color-rocking guy" - that obviously could only come from Ben Olsen.

Hustler of the Week: Chris Korb, D.C. United | Hustle Belt
Elsewhere on SBN, Chris Korb is for once not unsung. Wait, that's a double negative...but somehow seems appropriate in this case.

Also worth noting: Hustler of the week has nothing to do with dirty magazines. This is not that kind of site.

Sporting KC coach Vermes remains tight-lipped about club’s goalkeeper situation | Kansas City Star
This is a situation worth monitoring over the next couple of days.

USWNT: Crystal Dunn facing both dreams, pain on return to World Cup training camp | Soccerwire
Charles Boehm takes a look at the situation with Crystal Dunn, who was recently called back into USWNT camp after being one of the last players cut from the WWC roster. I hasten to add that the roster was named like 600 months before the tournament.

Juventus vs. Real Madrid: Final score 2-1, Juve down Madrid with aggressive style | SB Nation
Click if you like the Champions League, or if you just want to see Carlos Tevez impersonate an alligator.

Barcelona vs. Bayern Munich 1st Leg: Fixture, TV Schedule, and Match Preview | Bavarian Football Works
Bayern vs. Barca? Kind of a big deal I guess. It'd be rather nice to have an option other than watching off the DVR later, but something tells me I'll be able to overcome this blow.

The Poison Oasis | SB Nation
This one's a long read, but it's an excellent look at boxing, Las Vegas, American culture, and probably a few more things I'm forgetting. Bookmark it if you don't have time for it today.

The 28-hour Marvel Marathon nearly cost our writer his sanity | AV Club
I have an affinity for strange, ultimately harmless idiocy like this. For example, a couple of summers ago, I volunteered to give my dad a ride to the airport for a crack-of-dawn flight the same day as I was supposed to meet friends for a trip to the beach. In order to not miss either appointment, I just didn't sleep that night (thankfully someone else was driving to the beach). I ended up being up for about 42 hours which included a) no coffee for the last 20 hours due to lack of a clean coffee maker and b) convincing a friend to wander out to the beach in what turned out to be the derecho.

Undeterred by what was obviously a dangerous storm, we cracked fresh beers and walked the 3 short blocks to the beach. At one point I ducked under some flying debris. On the beach, we could see north, where lightning was striking Atlantic City. A look south revealed lightning striking Cape May. After a moment's consideration, we turned back. The walk back quickly became a run back as things got worse. There was sand in my scalp even after a thorough shower the next day.

Anyway, clearly something's off with me, but that shouldn't stop you from reading this piece. It's funny.