If you went out yesterday for amateur drinking night and are trying to deal with your hangover, you're in the right place. Pour some coffee, put on your sunglasses, and have your preferred hangover breakfast. I recommend something with eggs, bacon, and some kind of potato or sweet potato.
Who should Sunderland appoint to replace Gus Poyet as manager? | TheGuardian.com
Without bringing up why, the press in England linked Ben Olsen to the Sunderland job. And by "job," I mean "poisoned chalice." In any case, Dick Advocaat signed up for this terrible gig instead.
Roy Miller out, Zubar questionable for Red Bulls, DC match | Empire of Soccer
I'm not sure whether Roy Miller's absence is good or bad news for this Sunday's match against the Metros. Kemar Lawrence - who once had a trial with United - is slated to make his first start just days after signing. Based on last week, Ronald Zubar's absence may be the bigger one, as Matt Miazga was not great coming in for him.
If Zubar Can't Go On Sunday - Who Will? | Once A Metro
More on that topic from OaM, who note that Jesse Marsch has options beyond Miazga. Of course, all of them are young and guys like Karl Ouimette and Andrew Jean-Baptiste couldn't get starts for Montreal and Chivas last year. Good time to be playing the Metros is what I'm saying.
Doyle Doesn't Duck the Chance | DCUnited.com
Conor Doyle talks about dealing with his injury last season and how he feels about returning to the field.
Steve Goff also had some news on a trialist:
CONFIRMED: Deshorn Brown Sold | Burgundy Wave
Maybe the Rapids got enough money to make this make sense, but I have my doubts. They just do too much dumb stuff to have gotten fair value for their only goalscorer. An example of "dumb stuff" is selling your only goalscorer after the season has started. 20th place awaits.
Sources: Union Winger Danny Cruz Set for European Loan | CBS Philly
Ex-United winger Danny Cruz is buried on the Philly bench due to the presence of Sebastien Le Toux, so it looks like he's headed to Norway for playing time.
Cristian Maidana out for 2-4 weeks | The Brotherly Game
The Union looked bereft of ideas without Maidana against Colorado, and now they're missing him and CJ Sapong. Good luck with that Jim Curtin.
Germany invites Arsenal’s Gedion Zelalem to U-18 squad, but... | Soccer Insider
Germany is basically standing outside Gedion Zelalem's window with a boombox, but it sounds like he's just going to draw the shades.
Atletico Madrid vs. Bayer Leverkusen 2015: Final score 1-0 (3-2), Colchoneros advance on penalties | SBNation.com
This was closer than I expected it to be.
3 things we learned as Monaco eliminated Arsenal from Champions League | SBNation.com
Premier League side struggling in the Champions League? Well I never!
CS Herediano 3, Club America 0 | CONCACAF Champions League Match Recap | MLSsoccer.com
Now this is an upset. America's Michael Arroyo got a red card in the aftermath of a first half melee, and Herediano made it count by notching three second-half goals. If there was ever a CCL knockout round to be in for an MLS side, it was this one. Alajuelense won their group, knocking out a Mexican side. Montreal, who United would be playing if not for that awful first leg, knocked out a Mexican side. And now Herediano has one foot in the final. That would have been DCU's path to the title.
With that miserable note, take to the comments to weep with me or yell at me for making fun of Arsenal (which really was me making fun of all English clubs).