True story: I googled "D.C. United" last night looking for stories to link. Every single story whose main subject was United, or a player currently on the team, was a B&RU story. You're stuck on this desert island with us, whether you like it or not.
Óscar Ramírez toma con calma sanciones de la Concacaf | La Nacion
Alajuelense's head coach might not like the suspensions handed to his team, but he's not freaking out. In this piece, he declined to say which of his back-up keepers (Alfonso Quesada or Dexter Lewis) will replace Patrick Pemberton, but since Quesada made the bench in all four CCL games they had last fall, my guess is that it'll be him. Ramirez also indicates that he's looking for a left back, a spot currently manned by Porfirio Lopez (who is both a Philadelphia Union disaster and also Alajuelense's captain).
Here's the Google Translate version, which sort of makes sense.
New ownership brings hope for sleeping giant Inter | Backpage Football
I'm stretching for United content, but this has a brief bit from Erick Thohir on how United makes player acquisitions.
Oklahoma City Energy FC sign Casey Townsend | NewsOK.com
One from the "where are they now? file. Remember when we thought we won that trade handily? Ah, spring 2013: When we had no idea what hellish torture awaited us.
USWNT Commentary: Pressure Makes Us….shortsighted | Soccerwire
Here's a good piece from Sarah Gehrke on how difficult it is to really change things with the USWNT, but how that change will have to come at some point to consistently reach the expected goals (which are basically "win every game forever"). Teams in other countries have caught up - or dare I say it, nosed in front? - while we still tend to be a team that plays long ball too often while trying to play a formation that doesn't really make sense for the players that are getting called in.
Can you tell that I'm not exactly optimistic for the summer?
Jozy Altidore joins Toronto FC in swap deal with Jermain Defoe going to Sunderland | Stars and Stripes FC
Might be a good piece of business here from Toronto FC. They appear to have not taken a financial loss in signing Jermain Defoe, and they've gotten a much younger striker in exchange. This doesn't at all address their actual problems, naturally - this is TFC, so whatever the biggest problem is at any given time will not be addresses - but in a vacuum it's a good deal. Greg Vanney will now need to restore Jozy Altidore's broken confidence.
Mix Diskerud signs with New York City | Hudson River Blue
Queue up your "Did they actually sign him, or did they just claim to have signed him?" jokes. Mix Diskerud, after endless flirting and will they/won't they exchanges with several MLS teams, will play for Thomas McNamara SC.
Sacha Kljestan for Marcelo Sarvas? | LAG Confidential
With Diskerud going via the allocation order to NYC, it means Montreal is on top of the allocation order. They're terrible, and could always use more good players. However, the Impact have Patrice Bernier, Marco Donadel, and Nigel Reo-Coker already competing for time in the engine room, so we might see LA trying to trade Sarvas to teams in the top 5 of the allocation rankings.
That won't help United - we're 16th right now - but then we don't really need Sarvas now that Markus Halsti has joined the only team that matters.
Former Goalkeeper of the Year signs with Sounders | Sounder at Heart
Former United GK Troy Perkins was a free agent after Montreal let him go and the RED saw him unselected. Now he'll back up Stefan Frei, though at his very best Perkins could actually take the starting job in Seattle. I'm not saying I expect that to happen, but it's not unlikely as it would be if they drafted Frei's back-up and then pretended there was a legitimate competition.
Dafty Drafters | Big Apple Soccer
Schadenfreude helps me in the morning. Here's a brief history of Metro Draft Failure, the distant cousin of the more famous MPF.
Cody Cropper suffers head injury playing for Southampton | Stars and Stripes FC
Some bad news from England, where Cody Cropper had to go to the hospital after a collision early in an under-21 team match. Here's hoping Southampton was just being cautious and there's no serious problem.
Ronaldo to announce ownership, and a big surprise | Voxxi
Only you, NASL. Only you.
More importantly, this piece commits the unforgivable sin of pretending the World Cup-winning Ronaldo is not the Ronaldo of note. This is false. There is Ronaldo, and then there is Cristiano Ronaldo.
Sanctions against Barcelona leave one 14-year-old American’s future in limbo | Soccer Gods
Ben Lederman is the one American in the Barcelona youth set-up, but that might not last due to the intricacies of their upcoming transfer embargo.
Codes, chaos, and the world of Heat | The Dissolve
We end with film-nerdy look at 1995's "Heat" (a.k.a. that movie with De Niro and Pacino). "Heat" is a great example of a very long movie that doesn't feel long at all, as opposed to many standard-length movies that are interminable. It's also the first movie I watched via an internet connection, having played it off of some random person at the University of Maryland's computer. Also fun to do via college networks: Send people foolish enough to share their printer 1000 pages of brown.