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Balloon Doors for Everyone: DC United & Sundry Soccer Links for 31 October 2014

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DC United has a playoff opponent. Pornhub has a soccer jersey. Friday has your Freedom Kicks.

USA TODAY Sports

Happy Halloween, Black and Red United!

Oh my.  Don't you all look scary.  Except maybe for you, there in the back.  What are you dressed as?  A Red Bull fan?  Pahahahaha.

Here are your sugary linky dinks:

D.C. United will face New York Red Bulls in MLS playoffs - The Washington Post:  Dear Thierry Henry's Crosses to Bradley Wright-Phillips, we apologize in advance for getting in your way.  Love, your pals, The Korb and The Kemp.

D.C. United enters playoffs as top seed in East after finishing 2013 with just three wins - The Washington Post:  Yes, yes, yes, we know.

MLS Playoff Predictions: How will the postseason shake out? What's Donovan's last act? | SI.com:  Alexander Abnos is your new favorite prognosticator.  Check it out.

New Los Angeles MLS team has 22 owners, including Tony Robbins, Mia Hamm and Magic Johnson | For The Win:  Planet Hollywood meets MLS!  They just need Jeremy Irons to buy some shares.

Pornhub-Sponsored Soccer Team Threatened With Ban - Deadspin:  A joke turns into a real thing, and then the school chancellor has to ruin all the fun.

Thohir to visit UEFA? | Football Italia:  Erik Thohir is going to pro se this mutha.

France, South Korea bid for 2019 women's World Cup - Yahoo Sports:  For purposes of airfare and the always difficult proposition of getting Mrs. Touchline to come to a soccer game with me, I'm voting for France 2019.

World Cup 2022: European clubs want spring finals in Qatar - BBC Sport:  To avoid playing on the surface of the sun, UEFA suggests playing on the surface of Mercury.  Clusterqatar 2022 continues!

Rank 'Em: FIFA Ballon d'Or candidates - SportsNation - ESPN:  This rank'em site would be fun if it weren't so much work.  If Arjen Robben hasn't won a balloon door yet, maybe it's time.  I mean, the guy dives and all, but he's as much of a living legend as Messi or Ronaldo.

And your Friday Freedom Kicks treat for Halloween is this video about CD-making.  Did he pick the right tewwwns?

The bar is now open.