Happy Friday, ladies and gentlemen. I've been exiled to the land of no internet (my house) while SB Nation moves offices. It takes me a couple minutes to load a page, and I supposedly have broadband service. It's wonderful. If you ever want to know what property management company you should never rent from, I can help you out.
D.C. United returns to Comcast SportsNet | D.C. United
Welcome to 2008, D.C. United! Congrats on doing the bare minimum.
Updated ticket sales for U.S. matches | Washington Post
It's so hilarious that the USMNT is playing Germany at RFK.
Building up talent asking for trouble | FOX Soccer
Young prodigies burn out in every country on earth but whatever.
Portland Timbers 0, New England Revolution 0: MLS Match Recap | Major League Soccer
I didn't get to catch this one, but it sounds like the Timbers were pretty unlucky.
Stuart Holden set for a U.S. national team return | Pro Soccer Talk
YAY.
Why Luka Modric, not Xabi Alonso, should be Real Madrid's heartbeat | SB Nation
Because he's better than Alonso at literally everything.