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MLS Week 26 Schedule, TV Options, Predictions

After a brief delay brought on by both illness, illpreparedness, and laziness, we resume our predictions. But not until after we take a quick look back at the shortened MLS schedule from last week.

Week 25: Chest 1, AMT 1, Readers 1
Overall: Chest 107, AMT 100, Martin 92, Readers 92

Wednesday September 7, 8:00 PM: Philadelphia Union vs. New England Revolution, Galavision
Martin: Phi. Chest: Phi. AMT: Phi.

This game already happened. None of us got it right. No one won. Or we all won, depending on how you look at it. The teams played to a 4-4 draw that was both entertaining and helpful to United's playoff chances. (Martin)

Friday September 9, 11:00 PM: Los Angeles Galaxy vs. Colorado Rapids, Fox Soccer
Martin: Tie. Chest: LA. AMT: LA.

Is it weird to anyone else that Adam Cristman can go from being part of one of MLS's worst-ever attacks in 2010 to emerging as a starter for the Supporters Shield favorites in 2011? Imagine how good LA would be if they actually had a half-decent target forward. (Chest)

Saturday September 10, 4:00 PM: Real Salt Lake vs. Seattle Sounders
Martin: Tie. Chest: Sea. AMT: Sea.

If RSL somehow manages to win this game due to referee incompetence, the Sounders faithful will take the opportunity to invent feeling victimized by the powers that be, with everybody out to get them. In all seriousness, though, this is the game of the week by a country mile. if you watch one non-DC game this week, it's got to be this one, and not just for the play on the field. Sigi & Kreis are going to make the most epic angry faces at each other the entire game. First one to laugh at the other loses! (AMT)

Saturday September 10, 4:00 PM: Sporting Kansas City vs. Houston Dynamo, Telefutura
Martin: KC. Chest: KC. AMT: KC.

Unfortunately for the Sporks, they've had a couple weeks to totally not think about that massive collapse against Dallas at ALLCAPS Sporking Park. On the plus side, Houston still doesn't know how to find the nets outside of Robertson Stadium, so when KC decides to stop wallowing (whether in the 3rd minute or the 93rd), they should still be level and able to take the W. (AMT)

Saturday September 10, 7:30 PM: Columbus Crew vs. Toronto FC
Martin: Tie. Chest: Clb. AMT: Clb.

I've yet to be proven correct on either of these accounts, but I still firmly believe that the Crew are overachieving and the Reds are underachieving. One of these weeks, things will course correct. Probably not this week since I'm predicting it to happen, but one of these weeks. (Martin)

Saturday September 10, 7:30 PM: New York Red Bulls vs. Vancouver Whitecaps
Martin: NY. Chest: Van. AMT: NY.

Clearly this is the harshest test for my "pick NYRB to lose because they have sucked for months" approach; Vancouver is the worst team in MLS, and they're coming all the way across the country to play this one. However, I'm a man of my word, so here we go. If the Whitecaps do win this game, Hans Backe is probably fired before he gets home Saturday night. (Chest)

Saturday September 10, 7:30 PM: Philadelphia Union vs. Portland Timbers
Martin: Phi. Chest: Phi. AMT: Phi.

In lieu of saying anything relevant about this game, I'd just like to point out that that stupid DOOP song is still stupid and annoying and may or may not have been stuck in my head for several hours this week. (What? I watched MLS highlights, and it's an earworm of a stupid, annoying song.) (AMT)

Saturday September 10, 7:30 PM: New England Revolution vs. FC Dallas
Martin: Dal. Chest: Dal. AMT: Dal.

Remember that scene in Kill Bill Vol. 2 where The Bride, having spent so much time trying to learn the one-inch punch from Pai Mei, punches her raw, bloody hand into a wall while dreaming? I can imagine Brek Shea having similar problems, except instead of punching a wall, he gets up and plays 90 minutes of soccer in some far-off place before waking up. (Chest)

Saturday September 10, 10:30 PM: San Jose Earthquakes vs. Chicago Fire
Martin: Tie. Chest: Chi. AMT: Tie.

Is anyone planning on watching this game? Seriously. If this game was inexplicably blacked out by Matchday Live nationwide, would anyone even notice? These two teams could each just nominate a player to play FIFA11, have the PR guys tweet updates, pay off the writer to type up the gamers, and no one would ever know the difference. (Martin)

Saturday September 10, 10:30 PM: Chivas USA vs. DC United, Comcast SportsNet
Martin: DC. Chest: DC. AMT: DC.

Chivas will be without their best and smartest defender, and Simon Elliott - while very useful when Chivas has the ball - is MLS's least-mobile defensive midfielder. Dwayne De Rosario should be able to exploit the problems Chivas will have down the middle, helping United to a crucial win. (Chest)