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Week 23 MLS Schedule, TV Options, Predictions

With two road matches against Eastern Conference opponents, this is a huge week for DC United. Will it also be a huge week in our predictions contest? With our leader cracking 100, its time to make a move.

Week 22: Chest 5, AMT 4, Readers 4, Martin 3
Overall: Chest 100, AMT: 90, Martin 86, Readers 84

Wednesday August 17, 8:00 PM: New England Revolution vs. Houston Dynamo
Martin: NE. Chest: Tie. AMT: NE.

They've done well enough to keep pace all year, but with a trip to Foxboro and a visit from RSL, I think this might be the week that we start to see the Dyanmo fade from playoff contention. (Martin)

Wednesday August 17, 8:30 PM: Sporting Kansas City vs. Portland Timbers
Martin: KC. Chest: KC. AMT: KC.

I've noticed a pattern for the Sporks of late: Good result (thump TFC), bad result (home draw vs. Revs), good result (2-0 over RSL), bad result (heartbreaking loss against Seattle). The pattern dictates that KC will ease to victory here, and also provides plenty of hope for D.C. on Sunday. (Chest)

Thursday August 18, 9:00 PM: Chicago Fire vs. DC United, ESPN2
Martin: DC. Chest: Tie. AMT: DC.

Actual series of tweets from my cousin (and Fire supporter) @ClayLaSoul this week (condensed): "#DCHateWeek Until about Friday or so. When Chicago draws with y'all. Yes, the best trash talk I have is a draw. Or Thursday. Whatever. WE ARE THE FIRE or something. We've drawn 14 times in 23 matches. It doesn't matter if it's FC Dallas or RBNY or the Milwaukee School for the Blind." I think it's time to put these fans out of their misery and let them start focusing on their top 5 pick in next year's Superdraft, like we were doing this time last year. (AMT)

Saturday August 20, 7:30 PM: New England Revolution vs. New York Red Bulls
Martin: Tie. Chest: NE. AMT: Tie.

I will pick NYRB to lose every single game they play until the psychological and tactical issues they're having clear up. Yes, that even means picking the Revs to win a game, as silly as that sounds. Who would have thought League 2 vet Luke Rodgers would be so irreplaceable? (Chest)

Saturday August 20, 7:30 PM: Columbus Crew vs. Philadelphia Union
Martin: Tie. Chest: Clb. AMT: Tie.

This match could go a long way towards deciding who wins the MLS Eastern Conference, and Freddy Adu could have a hand in deciding it. Wait, what year is this, 2005? Is Frasier still on? Is Incubus still good? (Martin)

Saturday August 20, 8:30 PM: Houston Dynamo vs. Real Salt Lake
Martin: RSL. Chest: Tie. AMT: Tie.

RSL's results have been all over the place of late. Who the hell gets shut out by Toronto, yet batters New York and San Jose in the same 5 game span? I might just be splitting the difference here, but I have no idea what RSL will show up, or whether the Dynamo will be too tired to capitalize on their normally strong home form. (Chest)

Saturday August 20, 9:00 PM: FC Dallas vs. Seattle Sounders
Martin: Tie. Chest: Tie. AMT: Dal.

Both teams will be coming off of short rest, but Brek Shea will ensure his team have more than just home field advantage in this one: I fully expect him to order 8 dozen Pizza Hut pizzas to be delivered to the Sounders hotel rooms at 3 a.m. the morning of the game. I love that guy. (AMT)

Saturday August 20, 9:00 PM: Colorado Rapids vs. Chivas USA
Martin: Tie. Chest: Clr. AMT: Clr.

The League's Hottest Team This Week, playing at home against The Team That Passed On Freddy Adu But Picked Up A DP Who Managed To Convert Service From Beckham, Donovan And Juninho Into Three Whole Goals This Season. Yeah, gimme the champs in this one. (AMT)

Saturday August 20, 10:00 PM: Portland Timbers vs. Vancouver Whitecaps, Fox Soccer
Martin: Por. Chest: Por. AMT: Por.

Last week in D.C. was the much awaited first matchup between Jay Nolly and his former team. This week, its Nolly vs. Troy Perkins for the United Discarded Goalkeeper (UDG) Championship Belt! Unfortunately Nolly will be disqualified when his manager Tom Soehn enters the ring with a chainsaw. (Martin)

Saturday August 20, 10:30 PM: Los Angeles Galaxy vs. San Jose Earthquakes
Martin: LA. Chest: LA. AMT: LA.

Over/under 5 league games before Robbie Keane punches somebody. As for who that somebody is, let's set the odds: Bruce Arena 30-1; David Beckham 20-1; Landon Donovan 17-1; Josh Saunders 10-1; any opponent 2-1; a referee 3-2. Place your bets! (AMT)

Sunday August 21, 7:00 PM: Chicago Fire vs. Toronto FC
Martin: Tie. Chest: Tie. AMT: Tie.

Toronto switched to a 343 on game day last week, and Aron Winter apparently didn't even discuss the concept with players at training (much less, you know, actually practicing in the formation). That should have been suicidal against RSL, but instead they got a memorable 1-0 win. That's irrelevant, though, because they're playing Chicago and all Fire games end in ties. (Chest)

Sunday August 21, 8:30 PM: Sporting Kansas City vs. DC United, Galavision & Comcast SportsNet
Martin: Tie. Chest: DC. AMT: DC.

Remember that pattern I pointed out? Time for United to take advantage of that...and of KC's porous defense, and of their lack of discipline all over the field. After the game, United should attach a chain to Livestrong Sporting Park Arena Stadium Field Ground and try to drag it back here surreptitiously. We can paint all the blue crap black and red, right? (Chest)