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MLS Week 18 Schedule, TV Options, Predictions

Is the MLS getting more predictable? Or are we all getting smarter? This was a pretty good week all around.

Week 17: Chest 7, Readers 6, AMT 5, Martin 5
Overall: Chest 78, AMT 71, Martin 65, Readers 65

Saturday July 16, 4:00 PM: Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Real Salt Lake
Martin: RSL, Chest: RSL. AMT: RSL.

Vancouver needs reinforcements, so they signed a DP. Makes sense, until you find out dude's a forward, while the Whitecaps central midfield and defense is still abysmal Oh, and he's also coming to MLS from the Belgian 2nd division! Whitecaps fans, you just got Soehn'd. (Chest)

Saturday July 16, 4:00 PM: Seattle Sounders vs. Colorado Rapids, FSC
Martin: Sea, Chest: Sea. AMT: Sea.

Anybody else get the feeling that Colorado doesn't really want to finish too high in the standings? Maybe they think that their fairy-tale run to MLS Cup was the way you're supposed to do it. (AMT)

Saturday July 16, 9:00 PM: FC Dallas vs. DC United, CSN
Martin: Tie, Chest: Tie. AMT: Tie.

I think we're all in agreement that this result doesn't really make sense. United traditionally plays pretty poorly in Dallas, and the hoops will be looking for revenge after being quieted by RSL last week. D.C.'s main hope rests in Kevin Hartman's home planet deciding that they need him to return. (Martin)

Saturday July 16, 8:30 PM: Columbus Crew vs. San Jose Earthquakes
Martin: Tie. Chest: Clb. AMT: Clb.

At some point during the game, Columbus will in a penalty kick. Just as Jeff Cunningharm is about to start his run-up, potentially going one ahead of Jaime Moreno and taking sole possession of the all-time goal scoring crown, Steven Lenhart will sprint into the box and dribble the ball to the opposite goal. He'll beat Will Hesmer, and the referee will allow the goal to stand, for some reason known only to him. Columbus will still win. (AMT)

Saturday July 16, 8:30 PM: Houston Dynamo vs. Sporting Kansas City
Martin: Hou. Chest: Tie. AMT: Hou.

The Sporks haven't lost in forever, but having to come back to secure home draws against Chivas and Colorado is hardly convincing. Then again, Houston could only beat Toronto 2-0 (to get respect, you have to beat TFC by 3 or more). It's too hot to do anything in Houston at this time of year, so I predict a lifeless draw. (Chest)

Saturday July 16, 8:30 PM: Chicago Fire vs. Portland Timbers
Martin: Tie. Chest: Chi. AMT: Chi.

The Timbers lost their Super Bowl last week when the Sounders made their first expensive TIFO-inducing visit to the J-Dub. I expect them to sulk around the field this week in disappointment, which will essentially match the level of energy that Chicago has been known to occasionally display. (Martin)

Saturday July 16, 10:30 PM: Chivas USA vs. New York Red Bulls, Galavision
Martin: NY. Chest: Tie. AMT: Tie.

Dax McCarty's "defending" against Dwayne De Rosario on De Ro's goal last week underlines what I had suspected all along: He's a double agent for DC, sent to sabotage NYRB's season from the inside. This week, he will trick Tim Ream into missing the flight out to LA. This message will self-destruct in 30 seconds. (Chest)

Sunday July 17, 7:00 PM: New England Revolution vs. Philadelphia Union
Martin: Phi. Chest: Phi. AMT: Phi.

Bear with me here. Let's move the Revolution to Atlanta or Charlotte or Virginia Beach or New Orleans or pretty much anywhere not New England. Hell, let's use all of those spots and rename the team Dixie Wanderers. And let's not tell the Kraft family and then see how long it will take them to notice. I'll set the over/under at 3 years. Incidentally, I'm thinking the team's success on the field would actually improve in proportion with the square root of the distance between their new home ground(s) and Gillette Stadium. (AMT)