Cake or Death? Put down the turkey! It's finally time for Alam Syamsir! (Or is it Syamsir Alam? Should he have been first on this list? Ah, screw it. Doesn't matter anyway.)

USA TODAY Sports

With the 2013 season finally, mercifully behind us, it's time to run through the D.C. United roster and determine who should stay and eat cake and who should leave the team and find inevitable death. Today, the long-awaited* look at Alam Syamsir. (* not actually long-awaited)

Okay, let's get something straight at the outset. He's listed on D.C. United's roster page (well, he was back when he was on the team) as Alam Syamsir. So here, deep into the "S" portion of our roster review, we finally arrive at the Black-and-Red's token Indonesian. There's really not a lot to say about the... um... midfielder? He arrived in preseason, presumably at the request of United's largest shareholder, Erick Thohir. He was nowhere near MLS quality, though, and he would play a grand total of zero minutes in meaningful games for los Capitalinos.

Indeed, he was granted an extended leave of absence to join the Indonesian U-23 team to try and land a spot with them as they attempt qualification for the Asian Games. He wasn't able to stick there, either, and he was released from camp. Basically, all indications are that D.C. United brought in the wrong Indonesian if their goal was to improve the team and placate the owner at the same time. Needless to say, Alam won't be coming back in 2014.

But we're going to vote anyway. Because it's fun. And cathartic. You know the drill by now: Cake if you (somehow) think he should have been kept on for next year; Death if you think he was rightly let go.

And when you're done voting, be sure to share your favorite Syamsir memories down in the comments.

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