Well, you've clicked on the link to this post, so you've got moxie. Or you're just a masochist. Or you support another team besides D.C. United and want to see us fans of the Black-and-Red suffer. Whatever the case, let's get this over with.
We'll start with a high point, kind of like the game. United spent the opening part of the first half pressing high and denying the Columbus Crew much space to play, and when D.C. were in possession, everybody pushed into the attacking half. With all the play on the right side of the field, Christian had two options when he received the ball in the center circle: switch play or...
Normally a shot from 45 yards out isn't on-frame, and even when it is it's not highlight worthy unless the goalkeeper is asleep. This was United's high point on Saturday. Seriously, turn back now.
This is what one-touch passing in MLS can look like.
Pass into the middle - pass to down the line - centering pass - touch into the goal. Boom-boom-boom-boom. I'm still not sure our defense knows what hit them.
Thankfully Bill Hamid remains capable of the spectacular.
Of course, if only our midfield and defense could prevent a reserve player from slaloming through it, maybe "Billy Hamid" (as the Crew play-by-play guy repeatedly called him) wouldn't have to be.
And finally, one more example of what a good impression of a sieve looks like.
Pass, settle, pass, settle, pass, cross, finish. More importantly, notice the movement off the ball on all of these Columbus sequences. My kingdom for an off-ball run into space!
Anyway, that's all the stomach I've got for gifs this week. If you made it this far, you deserve a prize. You won't get one, but you can tell your coworkers that some guy on the internet says deserve one, if you like.