D.C. UNITED WILL PLAY FOR A TROPHY! IN 2013!! D.C. beat the Chicago Fire to advance to the 100th U.S. Open Cup Final

Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports

Who'd have thunk it? With the worst record in league play this year, the Black-and-Red have gone on the road and beaten the Chicago Fire to advance to a cup final. Because why the hell not?

Stop everything. I mean it, put whatever you're drinking down, drop the iPhone and take a breath before you read the next sentence. D.C. United will play for the 2013 Lamar Hunt United States Open Cup after going on the road to beat the Chicago Fire 2-0 Wednesday night in the semifinal. And there's little doubt that United were the better team throughout the match.

I know! I'm watched it, and I'm typing the words - and I can hardly believe it!

Dwayne De Rosario opened the scoring late in the first half after Sean Johnson derped a ball in the box. After a United shot deflected high into the air, Johnson opted to try and catch the ball, rather than punching it clear, despite pressure from Luis Silva. He failed in his attempt, and the ball fell to DeRo, who rounded Johnson and finished. Nick DeLeon doubled the lead on the other side of halftime, deftly controlling a pass at the top of the Chicago 18-yard box before unleashing a quick shot that deflected off a defender and wrong-footed Johnson. United was actually unlucky not to have scored a third after a couple highlight reel saves from Johnson.

On the other end of the field, Joe Willis was forced into action a couple times, but the Fire never looked like coming back once they went down. Part of that might be put on a first-half injury to Patrick Nyarko, but the Black-and-Red were ascendent even before the Ghanian limped off the field to make way for Joel Lindpere.

It's not all rainbows and unicorns for D.C. fans, though: Luis Silva, who despite not finding the goal tonight can probably be credited for a healthy portion of United's newfound swagger, left the game injured in the second half after an attempted tackle. At this point, I'm not sure if he got stepped on or took an inadvertent boot to the face or what, but we've got to be hoping it's something minor.

Because there's no reason to end this on a downer, I'll point out two things before opening up the comments. First, Chris Pontius made his return to the field tonight, entering for Nick DeLeon in the second half. Second, WE'RE GOING TO A MOTHERLOVING CUP FINAL WHILE PLAYING THE BEST SOCCER WE'VE SEEN ALL YEAR. In spite of all the crap we've seen from our boys in black this year, you can't beat that with a stick.

Something something Wigan something something.

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